Reading, Writing and Movies

Had an interesting day yesterday, I explained that I was working on some developments for my book. I had been thinking about them for a bit. I was walking around my apartment doing things that needed to be done, but I was trying to remember the developments that were in my head. I was hoping I could finish up what I was doing and then go write them up. I got a strange feeling, a sort of yearning. I felt myself going for the cookies. Then a thought came into my head. I dropped everything and went directly into my office and began writing up my storyline. (I left the cookies out.)

Not just telling a story about what is happening, but showing it, using dialog and everything. I did 4 pages. I was on a roll. Then later I wrote some more. It was a part where I wasn’t sure I could do. I had been wondering about it for some time. Yesterday, I put caution to the wind and did it. (Yeah me.)

What sparked this on? I picked up a book from the Library that I put on order. The Weekend Novelist Re-writes the Novel, by Robert J.Ray. Well actually I put two on order. I was hoping to get the Weekend Novelist book first, but hay can’t help it.

Well I was reading the first chapter. (Usually I wait until I get the first one.) The book talked about re-writing. Well it explained not to go and rewrite what you already written yet, the main thing to work on first is your subplots.

It hit me like a ton of bricks. This was the missing piece of the puzzle. *Hits head with palm* I had been concentrating on the main characters so much that I forgot about the sub characters and what they were doing in the story.
(Now my creative juices are at work.)

I wrote something on Saturday and Sunday. Both days, can you believe it? It was a very productive weekend. And I am very excited about the new stuff I’m working on now. (Hay if anything I know I’m on the right tracks.)

Movies update:
I really enjoyed the movie Julie & Julia so much that I watched it again. The fun thing about watching a movie again is you pick up things that you didn’t the first time. Of course it was just as entertaining. Later I watched Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. That was good, just not as good as the book.

Weight Update:
During the writing episodes and my cooking for the entire week, I ate all of the dark chocolate, cheese puffs and the cookies. *Pouting bottom lip*
But because Julie in the movie was such a good cook, it inspired me to do some of my famous, what I call, puttering around the kitchen and made some good meals for this week.

What I mean by puttering around the kitchen:
Well I don’t use recipes. Mostly because I usually don’t have the correct ingredients at the time I feel like cooking, so I take what I have already and try to make some dishes. Sometimes they come out great, sometimes not so good. I have been getting better since I first started learning how to cook. Back then I decided I needed to learn to cook because I got hungry. I used to pride myself on not being domesticated. But hunger pain is pain none the less. So now I am domesticated and a good cook.

A request:
This is a shout out to my readers. So far my voice is the only one. I have 2 followers and a few emails saying they love my work. If you read this please just give a quick shout out so I know I am not the only one writing and reading this.

While you’re at it, share an opinion about something in your life, but only if you wish. Let’s get the discussion started. What are you up to? What matters in your life? Anybody…

Share, laugh, love, cry, grow, and bond with other women. This is for you and it helps me. Until next time.

Reading, Weight and Movies.

Weight Update:
To save time on the weekends to do my writing. I decided to do my shopping on Friday night after work. I shop at Trader Joe’s. On the weekend the store is very busy and the shoppers have to navigate the aisles and maneuver around, up and over each other. So the choice to shop on Friday was an easy one. Now when I shop I just breeze thru and grab what I need.

The trouble is, out of habit, I grab the things that I tell myself no to. And yet they end up in the cart. I know the shop very well and visit only certain areas, and I can feel my hand reaching to the goodies I say in my mind no to. Then when I get home I try to make the goodies last longer. I figure if they last longer I wasn’t so bad. (See the lies I tell myself.)

Part of the problem is food is expensive and sometime I feel I don’t have enough for the entire week. So I eat the stupid stuff on the weekend. (Lame excuse I know but there it is.)

I also want stuff that is quick. (Quick I say, well a salad is very quick, and so is an apple, orange, or pear. But I grab the dark chocolate, cheese puffs and cookies. Dumb, Dumb, Dumb.)

“Self.” I would say. You are allowed only one goodie this week. This is killing me why I ask? Honestly I don’t know why I do it. Okay I am going to go grab a pear right now. Hold one moment please. As I say in my tenant liaison voice to my tenants on the phone.

I am eating a sliced up pear in a bowl now. I bought the pear last week and put it in my lunch. It got a little beat up in my lunch pack so I had it on the kitchen counter. Parts of it were over ripe so I cut those out and sliced the rest.

Which bring me to my next segment. Movies.
Julie / Julia. About a girl, named Julie Powell who wrote a blog about cooking all of Julia Child’s recipes, 541 in one year. And at the same time the story of Julia Child’s life and getting her cooking book published. A very adorable movie, just different time lines. In the movie Julie, the blog writer, had some weight problems also. Mostly because a lot of the recipes in Julia Child’s book had butter in them.

At the end of the movie Julie ended up a published writer with the movie. She got publish after the blog got noticed and an article was written about her in the New York Times. (Great huh.)

This next segment is about books.
I have been getting my books at the Library because I cannot afford to purchase book at the moment. I am busy paying bills that should have been paid long ago. (Yiks something else to write about.)

I just didn’t want to pay them, so now I am suffering, well I wouldn’t really say that. When I go to the library I can get as many books as I want. (By the way I am paying on my bills now, which is the reason I can't go anywhere. I have no money. boo hoo.)

I just go to a regular book store and jot down the title and then ask the Librarian if they have it. Most do so I put it on hold. The only problem is I don’t usually get them in the order they are written. So I hold them at home until I get the first one and then start reading. I keep a close watch on when the books are due back,then I re-new them, otherwise I’d pay a lot of fines.

(Popping a slice of pear in my mouth. Yum. Now several more. Wait I just finished the bowl. Wow. Proud of me right now).

Oh, by the way I wrote another piece for my novel. My heroin was badly hurt and my hero is worried about her. Can’t say how it will go now. Developing more.

I have books on how to write a good novel;, the author says don’t be afraid to let your character go thru things. So this is the going thru things, and also a way for the characters to bond.

Working on another part of the story, one that I have been putting off for some time. I wasn’t sure I could actually write it. (I will never know unless I try, right). *Wink* There is always the revising afterward to make it better. The best point is to just get the ideas out of my head and onto paper, or computer.

Working on breaking the habit of grabbing goodies in the grocery line. The next thing for me to keep up with. Any suggestions?

If you have a story to share, or ideas to help me break my habit of my drug of choice, food, or just to comment, all are welcome. Share, love, laugh, cry, grow and bond. Until next time.

Update on Weight and Writing.

I spent many hours on the pot (Toilet) last night. I wonder where all that came from. It was disgusting. I was thinking about all the greasy foods I was eating all week. Even though I ate good stuff in between, I had some bad stuff. I kept asking myself why, trying to figure out why I am sabotaging my attempts to control my weight and my eating.

I did notice when I was busy with my book and excited about my writing I didn’t eat as much. I was too busy writing and creating. I didn’t feel lost at those moments. I was filled with hope, happiness and joy.

Then after spending those few hours on the pot, I was reading at the same time to make it easier. (By the way this happens once in a while where my body decides to clean itself out.) I got to thinking. I meditate everyday. Sometime when I am meditating I have feeling of joy and not being in my body. In those times I feel light, so that when I do come back to my body, I feel heavy. It’s the matter of my physical body that is hard to deal with.

I remember thinking that I am a spirit body. That the physical shell that I carry around in this world is only that, a physical outer shell. I am more than the shell, but the point I want to make is that when I come back to the physical world and I eat. I feel that the food that I eat is actually being pushed around inside my body, in a form of matter, being used as energy and nourishment etc.

I realized that I needed to take better care of my physical temple. I need to make sure that my body has the right foods that will sustain it, sunshine, sleep and exercise. It is my responsibility to take care of it. I have been given a tremendous gift in my body. I am abusing it.

This revelation hit me straight in the face last night. I haven’t been very good to it. I have been working to correct my wrong thinking all these years but my body, is a thing of beauty. I have two arms, legs with feet to take me places I wish to go, eyes to see with, ears to hear music and sounds, and organs to keep the body going. I didn’t realize that I have an obligation to take care of it just as I take care of my mind.

I made a decision that I was not going to give my beautiful body greasy, fat, chemical or poisons in food again. That I will do my best to eat better and exercise and treat my body in the most sacred of ways.
This morning I am still strong in my conviction. I can only hope that my emotions don’t take me backyards.

I have affirmations that I say, which I want to concentrate on, in my house in strategic places. I think it is time to add this latest revelation. This will become part of my philosophy.

Update on Beauty:
Beauty can come in so many ways. One way is to be you. When you are just being yourself and not thinking about it you are beautiful.

Such as, beautiful flowers swaying in the soft breeze. A hummingbird hovering over a flower suspended in mid air, or children playing in the sand. When you are shopping and laughing with your children or singing your favorite song and everyone around you hears your beautiful voice. Even mad, with steam coming out of your ears your loved one can see beauty. Just be who you are naturally and know that you are rare and a thing of beauty.

See the beauty around you, become aware of your surroundings, feel the love of the universe on your skin, know that you are not alone.

Share, laugh, love, cry, grow and bond with other women. Can you think of a time when you saw beauty? Maybe it's fashion, music, art, or a book, or cooking. Or that picnic with your family during the 4th of July with fireworks. Tell us about it.
Until next time.

Forcing One’s Fears: Update on Weight and Writing.

Writing: Wrote to an editor that I have on Facebook. He gave me some sound advice. He said to stop the inner talk and to just write. (He said a few other things but the main part I want to convey is the inner talk and just writing.)

I was debating where I was going to start; I haven’t written in so long I kind of forgot where I was in the book. So I thought about it a little bit. I know I have to have a love story between the two main characters I just didn’t know how. Then I started asking myself questions. How do they approach thing that happen. In doing this I realize that the characters will take a journey together when thing happen in the storyline. They will approach each thing differently and will bond during the events.
(Wow! I this is getting exciting.)

I also went back over my manuscript. Cutting and pasting the small passages that I had written out before, and getting rid of the ones that I double pasted in. I realize I had some missing parts. Now I am making plans on getting those missing parts together.

Now is the part I am most proud of. I spent 3 hours yesterday on my half day before going to work on the manuscript. I accomplished a lot. (So kudos to me.)

Weight: I started making sure that if I was going to eat something bad. I was going to eat the good stuff first then I won’t eat so much of the bad stuff. I will continue to work on my drug of choice. It is a constant struggle.

I did exercise at Zumba on Monday. And Wednesday I went bike riding around the area. It was a beautiful day, there were at least 6 other bikers riding the area just as me. I wanted to smile and wave but they didn’t acknowledge me. Oh well.
I still had a great time in the warm evening air, and I got my hear pumping quite a bit.

Other developments:
I had a falling out with my daughter. She and I used to have a good relationship until she married a man that is no good. To marry him is her choice and I will not say anything about it. However, he is isolating her. I know I am not imagining it because I talked with a women neighbor who helped my daughter before. This neighbor woman was the one who stated my daughters’ husband was not good to me without any prompting. Up until then I said nothing to anyone about him.

The neighbor heard my daughter’s husband yelling at my daughter and my grandson. All the other neighbors heard him, I’m finding out. I heard it because they were living in the upstairs on the duplex where I live, which is not a good idea by the way, to have family living that close to you. They moved away and now the new tenant, the owner, is very quiet. And we get along.

My daughter and I have been emailing each other back and forth and she is in myspace page connection. I read one of her blog journals and when I commented on it she flew off the hook and said she wanted nothing to do with me. Such is the life of a mother. Anytime we as mothers say anything to our children, they do not like to listen. So, Okay you don’t want me around me. {This is to my daughter. The next time you put your hand out to me to help you pay a bill, maybe I won’t be available to you.} Think about that.

Wow I needed to get that out. It irks me when grown children want everything but they are unwilling to work for it.

All are welcome to comment even men if you wish. Remember you do not have to be a member to comment and join in the discussion. Share, love, laugh, cry, grow and bond with other women. Until next time.

Facing One’s Fears. Weight and Writing

On Good Friday, my boss said she had a present for me. I asked it if was good or bad. She said, “Good?” She walked over to a box on a desk in the office and very calmly brought out a vary large, prettily decorated sugar cookie that looked like a giant Easter Egg wrapped in plastic with a bow on top. She presented the cookie to me. “Happy Easter.” She said. The cookie was a work of art; it was so pretty I didn’t want to eat it. So I placed it in a certain area of my house and admired it for days.

I spied the cookie every once in a while and smiled to myself. Admired it and then walked away. I wondered if it tasted as good as it looked while I stroked the plastic around the cookie, and lightly flicked the bow on top. Then place it back on my shelf with assorted seasonings in my kitchen.

I kept telling myself it’s too pretty to eat. Last night when I got home from Zumba Exercise, I saw it. I didn’t do anything just admired it yet again. I ate Salmon with string beans, baked carrots with raisins, and water. The meal itself was very satisfying. But later I found myself thinking of that damn cookie. Wondering what it would taste like. Should I do it if I am trying to get rid of my stomach appendage?

As a person that eats her emotions, being aware of it, is the first and hardest part of the problem, I was stressing out about a partial relationship that is playing out. I don’t have someone in my life. I have been alone for years. I have friends and a lot of guys want me however, I find out things like they don’t have a job, no car, want to just move in with me and have me pay for everything, or just want sex.

I was contacted by an old boyfriend from years ago. He was a lot younger and our relationship didn’t go very well back then. I was glad to be away from him; however he told me he kept thinking of me. All the years a part he kept thinking of me, dreaming and remembering everything that I tried to teach him. He told me he was grateful and wanted to apologize for the way we broke up. I accepted his apology and we stayed in contact. We talked to each other at least once a day. I was enjoying our friendship, and was thinking certain things as you can imagine.

My friend has been talking about the past, and all the funny things that happened, reminiscing, bringing up scenarios, and do you remember this and that. We have been laughing a lot, but when I would bring up the present, he would have to go. Then I noticed he only called during work hours. He never called me at home after work or on the weekend especially on Sunday his one day off.

I noticed what he was posting on Facebook. Girlfriend and wife bashing, short stories, comments and Utube videos, all dealing with amateurish male stupidity over the female gender.

This does not look good to me. He talks good over the phone, says the right things, but we had a miscommunication a few weeks ago and he overreacted. I told him when we first started talking that I don’t like conflict and that I will walk away then come back later and talk. This way I don’t say anything that will hurt my loved one or say something I will be sorry for later. I needed time to think, to get a grip on my emotions.

During this time he tried to use guilt to get me to do things his way and then twisted the situation around to center on him. The original fight was where he mocked me during a phone call in the first place, which I didn’t like and then asked him about it. He stated it was a joke.

After a few days later and a few emails later I apologized first. I took the high road and said I was sorry. He did apology to me afterward but with the understanding that I was wrong. He still won’t face up to what he did.

(It is such a simple thing to say you’re sorry and really mean it. Just don’t bring up other stuff, like things from the past or bring up obvious sensitivities).
There are a few things that concern me. First I believe he is living in the past, a past that is gone. I feel he has no idea of who I am today and isn’t interested in knowing. Second, I feel he hasn’t grown enough, even though he is in his 40’s, to handle not being able to argue fairly.

The reason why I bring all of this up. It has to do with the cookie. I was stressing out what I am going to do about my friend. So I ate the cookie. There I confess. I ate the cookie but I didn’t feel any better afterwards. The cookie that looked so pretty didn’t taste as good as it looks, not as good as say, Chocolate Chip.

So my final analysis, I ate the cookie to feel better but it didn’t work. I hurt myself more in the end by continuing my emotion eating and the fat to my stomach appendage.

I just wanted to state this. At the time I didn’t believe anything could help but I tried. I guess the only way to help my emotions is to talk to my friend. (Yuck)

Thank you for reading and your comments, they are really appreciated. If you want to share, or have a solution, we need to hear from you. Remember you don’t have to be a member to comment. Share, laugh, cry, learn, grow and bond with other women. Until next time.

Facing One’s Fears: Update on Weight and Writing.

I want to toot my own horn here for a moment. I woke up yesterday in a good determined mood. I did extra things that I had wanted to incorporate into my schedule for a while. I even ate really good organic food, that I had prepared before hand and brought with me to work, all day. I felt really good about it except when it came to go to Zumba exercise class at the end of the day. For some reason I decided I wasn’t going to go.

I made plans, got clothes, water, everything ready, why didn’t I go to Zumba. I choose instead to stay home and read. I did read but I also analyzed why I did that.

I want to be skinny and beautiful, like I was when I was thirty. The problem is I cannot be beautiful like I was back then. I can only be beautiful as I am now. I look in the mirror. My hair is dull and not so full. My face is a little droopier with some wrinkles around the eyes. No matter how much I workout, the middle of me is just so stubborn, it’s like another appendage. I feel that I can’t even eat a cookie, that if I ate that one stupid little cookie, my stomach will stay forever. Can you imagine the helpless, hopeless feeling of that? Someone that eats their emotions can’t even eat a cookie to feel better. This reality is what I deal with on a daily basis. It is harsh indeed. At what point did I wake up and the vibrancy, energy and grand hopes that I once had, had diminished almost in half. And very unexpectedly too, I just woke up one day and things were upon me. Age.

Even while I struggle with my age, it has become apparent what I must do. I do have choices, hard choices but choices none the less. Facing those realities is part of that choice. (Sometimes I don’t want to face it) *Whine.*

There is so much I still want to accomplish, but time passes so quickly. Each day, each week, and then the weekend is upon me again. So much to do all the time and I am tired, but one thing is clear. I can only deal with this one day at a time. Only today, so I don’t get overwhelmed. Today I plan to eat only the organic food I prepared and brought with me today.

As far as my writing goals.
I did read for a while. Then I started thinking about that. Why I wasn’t writing. I decided to stick with my original outline for the book. I had made some changes, I liked the new changes but in my spur of the moment, made further changes, that I ended up not liking. (Changes on the chapters I should explain, but decided not to do that.) So I went about making a new revised manuscript. So there I was cutting and pasting chapters and stuff into the new revised manuscript.

Something inside of me grips my chest. *Anxiety* I want to write like some of the writers whose work I admire. I marvel at the words and structure of sentences that paint pictures in my head, and I become so envious of their ability. I want that. But while I was thinking about my writing, I came up with this one insight. I have the ability to write, just like the other writers that I love, and entertain and inspire readers across the world, however in order to do that I must practice.

So what do I do? I berate myself for making what I believe to be crucial changes to my manuscript so that I can maintain some kind of control of it and not get overwhelmed. Because I am cutting and pasting instead of writing. Because I want to write with every part of my being, and I am stuck cutting and pasting.
(Hah. Is that not stupid?) I am being hard on myself because I want to write. Strange. *Shaking my head*

Does it matter what I write? Just as long as I write something.

In some cases I believe it does, but maybe I am trying to get my feeling out. To understand them better, to get to the root of them and make sense of them.

I’m also disappointed in not knowing my characters as well as I would like to. I have been told that the characters at one point in the writing of a story take a life of their own. I have witnessed this myself. And yet I am cutting and pasting. I still feel I am procrastinating.

(This is me talking to myself now).
Okay, breathe. Slow down. Cut and paste, get the manuscript in the order of the outline. You will not be satisfied until you do so, so don’t fight that. Then start one page at a time. This is the hard work that writer want-a-bes never get past. The hard work of writing and concentrating on each aspect of a created book that is in the writers head and heart. The writer who is writing with true passion, this is the stuff of great writers. This is what makes or breaks a true writer.

One day at a time. Remember only today and what you can accomplish today. Even if it is small, done by increments, those increments will build until the momentum get stronger and then BAM! It’s done.

I can’t tell my readers how much it means to me to be able to get my feeling, fears, joys and triumphs out in this blog. In my sharing I hope to inspire other women to accomplish their goals. Share, enjoy, laugh, love, cry, and bond with me and other women. Until next time.

Facing One’s Fears: Update

Weight, well what can I say? I was slim all of my life until I hit middle age and became pre-menopausal. I watched myself go from a size 14 to a size 18 in one year. All this was happening while my thyroid was out of whack. One day I was hypo and sleeping ten hours a day and waking up feeling as if I slept only one hour. I was lethargic, my thyroid swelled up and was obstructing my wind pipe and my throat felt like something was in there constantly. (Sounds fun)

Then I would go to Hyper-active, and lost a lot of weight. I became really skinny. Almost waif thin, and at the same time, I would have diarrhea one half the day, running to the toilet every two seconds, then it would stop all of the sudden, and I was fine the rest of the day. I lost a few jobs and a boyfriend through all of this. I tried to explain what was happening but my bosses, and boyfriend, at the time apparently didn’t care, or didn't realize how sick I really was.

I would wake up not feeling good either way. It was a crazy way to exist. My doctor finally figured out what was happening and I was diagnosed with a very rare thyroid disease called Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis. I started on the appropriate medications and eventually had my thyroid removed. Now I take thyroid replacement every day. (And I have a scar on my neck, ooh fun)

Maybe five years later, I started noticing other things. Like I couldn’t breathe easy, I felt tired all the time. My limbs were going numb. etc.

I knew I needed to exercise but everything I ate, weather good or bad, went directly to my stomach, hips and butt, so why even bother. (It was heartbreaking to gain that much weight in one year. My confidence level went way down, as did the quality of my life.)

A few things happened. I felt that I wasn’t eating the correct food for my body, but how do I find out what was good for my body? I did a lot of research, and I tried a few things but it was nothing that I could keep up.

Then a breakthrough, a girlfriend told me about a diet based on my astrological sign. It"s called “The Sun Sign Diet" by Gayle Black. You can purchase the book on Amazon.com. I was so excited I embraced the diet. But before I could really get into it, I had to slowly start eating correctly, and introduce the food in my everyday eating, and over a period of time I was able to do the diet as it should. And then 6 weeks later I lost thirty pounds.

Around that time, by shear luck, I found Zumba exercise classes at the local recreation center near my home. For those that don’t know Zumba, it is Salsa and Belly dance moves. As it turns out, I love Zumba and have a great time with the work out and the girls in the class. (Now it is a social thing, we have Zumba parties during the weekend and promote the classes and do Zumba exercises, we have a great time)

Now the problem, Of course life happens, as you know, and I made a choice to take a Creative Writing Class. At the same time I was doing Zumba, two times a week, Creative Writing Class once a week and in some weeks I had another Writing Group I was attending. At times I made the choice not to go to Zumba, and of course the weight started creeping back up. Not to mention what happened to me during the Creative Writing class. (Which you can read about in previous blogs.) As you can guess I started eating incorrectly again to offset my emotions.

Now come the epiphany, since I started to write, I found a way to channel my frustrations. This is good news, because when I had emotions I could not deal with I would just eat, instead now I write. (When I was younger I used to clean, but turned to food to fill me, like I said food is my drug of choice.)

I notice yesterday when I bought groceries, as usual through habit, bought a few things that aren’t on the Sun Sign Diet. Normally I would have eaten at least one of those things completely. (And in one gulp! ha ha) But this time I didn’t. Since I realized I can write my frustrations out, maybe I don’t need the food anymore. This is the experiment stage right now, but it seems to be working. I will keep you updated.

Now the update on the writing. Since I printed all 90 pages of my manuscript, by accident, I have been thinking about where to start. I noticed when I worked on the manuscript on the computer, I would get overwhelmed and wondered where I should start. It was as I said overwhelming. (I will be working on the overwhelming aspect and dealing with where my manuscript left off in the outline next.)

I would like you to understand that I have written a lot of the ending of the story. Even though there are still parts of it that need to be addressed in the storyline, most of it is already written. When thinking about an outcome in the story the writer needs to do a final outcome and then work backwards to complete the story, and all the hero or heroin need to overcome.

(Most writers do not write straight though a story. (linear). We take parts and write them out as we develop them and cut and paste them into the manuscript. Hence, the overwhelming feeling I get. I have to go into the middle of the manuscript and find where I need to continue the outline, but after reading 7 or 8 chapters to find out where and what I need to work on, I get tired and don’t want to write anymore. But if I have the chapters in my hands, I can read them ahead of time, and then know exactly where to go in my online document that needs work. (Yeah I figured it out. * Hand wiping forehead*)

In conclusion: I will work on the story this weekend and give you an update in a few days, using my new found epiphany.

Let me know if you agree with what I am doing or if you have had an epiphany of your own in a similar situation, or just want to comment. I would love to hear from you. Share, grow, learn, laugh, cry, and bond with other women. We deserve to be uplifted by positive reinforcement from each other. Your life is worth living to the fullest, embrace it. Till next time.

Facing One's Own Fears

I am going to go out on a limb here and state my biggest fears. Well the ones I want to work on. Well I guess I could work on others as well, since I am putting myself on that limb.

I’m sure some of us women have issues with, lets see. Weight. This is my first issue. I have issues with weight, because food is my drug of choice. When I am board, hurt, upset, or really anything I shove food in my mouth. I now shove good organic food into my mouth, but it is food none the less.

There is another fear I have. Fear of success. This one in particular is hard for me. I’ll explain why. I went through a lot of therapy for this, to understand it. I still have that chatter from long ago. You know the chatter that people tell you when you are young. Only problem is that the chatter is no longer valid in the face of all that you may have overcome in the years since.

I have this pattern. I excel for a time and get success and results. Then all of the sudden stuff starts happening that put me in a quandary, and I have to stop my projects to take care of them (Classic) I try to get back to my projects; only to, it seems go backwards for a time, until I get my head on straight and go forward again. Part of that time I am depressed. I seem to be in a stupor and don’t even realize it. One day I just wake up and look around me. The house is a mess, I have things that need to be done, my weight is back up again. My struggling is stymied. I see it clearly, I know what is happening. I tell myself to continue and get back up on that horse, so to speak. I do but only half way.

Part of me wants to lose weight and look better at 50 than I did at 30. But do I want the attention of male suitors? Part of me wants to finish my book and rejoice that I have done it. (The story will finally be out of my head.) But then if it is successful my life will change. How? What way? Will the change be welcome by my friends and readers or be ridicule from my peers. Will I have the courage to continue my craft that I love so much either way?

These are great fears. Well, they seem gigantic to me at least. What I decided to do, is chronicle my success in both my weight and my writing. My hope is that I will become accountable for myself and to my readers. Maybe in the throws of being responsible for my actions and to explain my defeats I can push myself over that edge and finally face my fears. One step at a time.

I know the journey will be interesting and scary. I will explain my insights as they come, sort of like journaling, but different, and I will be bonding with my girls on the blog. (That is if you gals can stand it).

This sounds cliché but I will start the chronicling in a few days. There a few things that I need to set up and make decisions on. I believe I had decided on a few things but need to put them in goal form. If you wish to work through your fears or weight issues along with us, join the bonding call and comment on your progress, and know that we are not along in our fears.

We will, hopefully if we face them, defeat our fears.

Part one, Decided our issue or issues to work on.
Part two, mark in small increments how we intent to accomplish our tasks.
Part three, Write reasonable and small goals, with timelines as to the steps to our goals.

Example: what is your final goal? Then work back words, think about what you would need to do in order to accomplish the goal. Write them down. plan. Make the reasonable and small. Make the timeline a few days or weeks at a time. That way the goal can be accomplished easier, based on the goal.

Such as my writing goal, Here is one that I decided to do.
1. Write one page of the current chapter you are working on.
2. Work on your back stories on your different characters.
3. Revise your current outline to reflect the latest changes.
4. Write small notes or passages on any ideas that come along and add them to your slush pile.
5. What can you do today to accomplish your goal so you won't be overwhelmed.

one of the first things I did was print all 90 pages I already have of my book.
I am still doing character development and back stories on some of them. I will continue those.

I could do a lot more if I could just stop reading in the meantime. Oh well.

This is my start. I will confess all my doing or procrastination as I progress. You may yell at me if I'm falling behind. I may need a swift kick.

I also want everyone to know I am studying English in my spare time and writing this blog. I go to Zumba exercise plus work a full time job. So try not to yell at me too much. I am 50 yrs old, and don't have as much energy as I would like or used to have. That's it for now ladies. Till next time. By for now.

If you have a story to tell or something to share, comment to this installment of Woman’s issues what do you think? We would love to hear from you.

Common Courtesy: Is it gone?

Today I went to a store to pick up some supplies for my house. I was in the isle looking at things, I had just put the last of what I needed and was making my way to the register when I said, please excuse me, so that I may pass a person who was standing in my way. She had plenty of room to move to allow me to push my cart past her.

The women glared at me and said with a snarl in her voice and a scowl on her face, “Where do you expect me to go?” She stared deep into my eyes. I stared back incredulously. “I’m doing the best I can. Why are you getting mad at me.” She screamed.

This woman whom I have never seen before accused me of getting mad at her, yet I didn’t even raise my voice. I simple stared at her disbelieving her attitude for asking her to move just a little bit so that I may pass her. I hear the gasp from the witnesses next to me.

“Do I look like I’m mad?” I said to her and looked at the couple next to me. They laughed and said no.

The women Screamed, “Yes you are,” Then said my eyes showed her how mad I was and she proceeded to swoon her eyes in a mock of what he felt my eyes were doing. Then she moved to a new line towards a different register, and I moved to one also.

She tried to cuss at me, using the “F” word, but I ignored her. The couple next to me was shaking their heads.

The women finally shut up and minded her own business but the incident got me thinking of something as simple as common courtesy. Had she told me she really didn’t have room and allowed me to look by moving just a little, the whole thing could of gone a lot different. Instead she made a fool of herself in front of everyone. What a shame too. Because when we give just a little it come back to us ten fold.

I’m sure you have heard of the old saying:
You get what you give.
You reap what you sow.
And the like. If everyone gives courtesy to others each day, maybe the world would change even faster than it is now. Maybe just the simple things can make the difference in the long run. The world is already full of strive, fear, jealousy, envy, etc. If it has to start somewhere, why not with you.

You may think, why me, why do I have to start it?

Because it needs to start somewhere, and since you are becoming aware of it, through our bonding, sharing, and laughing.

I am courteous even when others are mean and not fair to me. I see them look at me and say, “I don’t care.” To their companions. This stuff happens a lot.

I am strong in my opinions of myself. I don’t worry about what people think of me. I just know that one day when I am not around, someone else will not be courteous to them, and then their attitude will gets worse and worse and the circle never stops until they themselves make the choice to change.

Make a choice for yourself everyday. Be courteous to others, be the bigger, better more enlightened person. Smile to yourself and hold your own power when another is mean and nasty to you. Say thank you tot he universal source that you learned to be better, and not care what they think or feel about you. Because you are a wonderful caring person and it shows by being courtesy. Hold a door for someone, even if they don’t say thank you. Be courteous while driving. It will come back and others will be courteous to you shile on the road. I have experienced it. Smile at someone, even if they scowl at you, continue to smile and keep your peace. Your day will be better for it. Be more patient, loving, caring and listen more. Try it; over time you will see the difference in your life. This is something you can count on.

Just remember the next time someone is mean to you, don’t be mean back because it negates the positive that you have gained thus far.

Pick up a book about the "Law of Attraction" and read it. Or better yet get The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. Read it and become a student of the Law of Attraction. Great things are in store if you do. Until next time.

Do you have a story to tell, or share? Do you want to discuss something that is bothering you that you need answers too? Sometime just writing them down will get you those answers. And in doing so on the site may help others going through the same things you are. We can help each other and be a source of support for others by commenting and bonding. Remember you do not need to be a member to comment. Thanks.

Admitting You Were Wrong, Is That So Hard

Have you ever done something so simple, and then realized that it hurt someone you care about. If the thing is so simple why is it hard to admit? Is it ego, pride, shame, not understanding that the simple thing you said could have been taken wrong by the other? Is it so important to always be right?

Is the making of a mistake so terrible that admitting it would crush you, your pride. Is that one mistake so large that it would shatter a friendship?

When you are arguing do you attack the person you care about? Do you yell out things that happen along time ago? Do you say things foolishly and then regret them later? Is your opinion the only opinion on the face of the earth? Is your truth the only truth?

Once again I ask is it really important to be right?

Has this happened? Let’s say you had an argument with a friend. During the argument they state how they feel and you tell them “No you didn’t say or do that.” Well I have news for you. That right there, is the incite as to how they took what happened or was said, that you missed. They are indeed telling you exactly, what they thought and felt. You could just stop it right there and say you’re sorry and explain why you feel how you felt. And it would be over.

Instead you need to exert you stupidity and attack then further, accusing them of things that you perceive they meant, creating even more hurt and even bigger separation. Better yet you try to use guilt to get them to your side, instead of sticking to the original argument, thereby making it about you.

Once again are you so important that you always have to be right?

Maybe in your past you learned to deal with things by screaming, ranting, raving, accusing. Maybe your childhood had a lot of pain and hurt and you are acting in defense. Trying to protect your sensitive heart. This may be true, but the person that you are arguing with had a different life. They deal with thing totally different then you.

Try to stay in the present moment and deal with the one small thing, before it grows into a gigantic mountain. Fight fair with talking only about the argument at hand. Don’t bring in all sorts of thing that have long been buried, to fling at them. Unless those things that happened in the past are truly not buried in? Then you need to learn to deal with the pain of them, and maybe learn forgiveness of what happened long ago.

How do you feel about this area? Has something happened similar or different that you want to share? Do you feel this is stupid and wish to put your thoughts up so all can learn? Share, laugh, learn and bond with other women. Take care.