My views about writing:
I just read a post from one of my favorite writers. She has one of the best stories around with an awesome list of characters. Her blog was an answer as to why it takes so long to write a book. She wrote a perfectly grand answer.
I run along the same lines as her. The hardest part is just writing the book in the first place. The next is all the changes that the book goes through while revising, editing and correcting. Then all the other stuff, like marketing, and the cover, etc…
One thing she did say is she writes every day 10 to 50 pages. I have to say, I don’t get to write every day. I have a full time job that takes a lot of my time and my home, cats and my other life. However I do take at least 3 days a week and I make time for writing. In between those days I plot and develop the characters. How they feel, what they are doing. Every idea I get I put into my ideas book and type up what I can about the idea. I than categorize all the ideas into which book I want to put the idea into.
In doing the back stories of my characters, people don’t realize how much back story goes into each character. If there are 14 characters, large and small, each character has their own motivations for things. Each has their own way of thinking, feeling, beliefs, and also how their body moves with quirks. All of this takes time. The amount of paper I have just on the characters back story is astounding.
I did finally submerge my subplots into the manuscript and the word count is over 60,000. I still have a lot to do in order to make the story as good as I possibly can. If it is not good to me, then I will work on it until I can bring you the best story.
A lot of work goes into designing of a world which includes government, a people, how they live and what happened to cause them to live like that. Then there is the future and how to fix it.
Hopefully you will get an idea as to the work involved in developing a book. To be able to read a book in one night is a wonderful thing. Just keep in mind the amount of work that went into it.
Just some comments regarding those that support me.
My favorite banker, Brandon, when I first told him about my ideas of my book wanted to read some of my work. I brought him some pages and he loved them. At that point he was pushing me to finish the book.
“Get it done” he would tell me.
So after finishing the first two chapters I bought them for him to read. I had some questions for him to answer and everything.
I waited 3 weeks and each time I asked him if he liked them and had any ideas for me. His response was, “I haven’t read them yet.
At that point I had already done 2 more chapters and needed those questions answered. So I asked for the chapters back. He reluctantly gave them back, but since then he has not asked me about the book at all, even though I have been diligently working to finish it and to also learn how to write it.
I think he was disappointed that I took the chapters back. But I was disappointed in him for not reading them in the first place. After weeks he still hasn’t read the chapters, give me a break. He was the one that was pushing me to finish the book and then wouldn’t read them. (Strange).
Can you imagine my disappointment in his actions?
He wasn’t or isn’t the only one who I cannot depend on to help me with my book.
Further disappointment was/is my best friend, who also is a writer. When I first talked to her about writing a book and discussing my ideas, I cannot describe what happened because I am not sure myself.
I wrote my first 4 chapters and asked her to be my editor, because of her background in literature. She read two chapters and said she liked them and wanted to read more. But when I talked to her about my ideas of my platform, Facebook, Myspace and Blogging she began to argue with me. I couldn’t understand, this is my book I should be able to do what I wished as far as how I work my career. This difference of how to approach writing book and becoming published almost started an argument, and destroyed our friendship.
My friend is of the old school where the writer writes a book, then submits her printed out manuscript to an agent. The agent loves the work and then you are published.
I spent many months researching how the writing and book publishing field works. In all my research I found the times have changed. The days of printing out your manuscript in full and mailing it out to agent is gone.
With the digital age things were/are different. It is important that a writer start a platform to become known to readers and have a small readership before you talk to an agent. Let’s face it, if a writer has a readership before the book hits the shelves it looks better to the agent and will make a better impression for future sells. It is a win/win situation for the readers waiting for the book, the writer and the agent. I have tried to explain this to her but she is very persistent in her views and will not discuss my book or what I am learning in my writing process, which hurts me a great deal. I am saddened by the whole event.
I can hear a few of you thinking that maybe we should not be friends any longer, and to that I can say it is true. But I have know her for 10 years and for whatever her reasons are for not supporting me on my book, I am still going to write it anyway. I refuse to allow anyone to stop me for being what I want to be, which is a good writer and a great story teller.
Maybe my friend believes she is correct in her view on how to get published and thinks I am silly for what I am doing. I can only hope that she and I will overcome this as we have other differences we share in the past.
What do you think? Me and others would love to know. Share you ideas, on this or anything else you want to discuss. We can help each other by sharing. We can learn by reading how other have faced adversity and overcome them.
Share, love, laugh, cry, grow and bond with other women. We deserve it. Until next time.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Update on Writing and Weight and a New Writing Group.
Weight first.
I had been mulling over the idea that if I continue to put bad stuff into my body that I am drawing myself one day closer to my death. Well every day that I live I am moving closer to my death, but the death will come quicker if my body gives out sooner that it normally would. If I was a drinker or smoker or take drugs, I would feel the same way. So I had been looking at that concept for a few days.
I decided to go on the strict diet again. I have succeeded for a few days, and feel comfortable, until today at work when I smell the fried food at the little restaurant across the street. They serve nothing but fried, greasy, hot dog, hamburgers, chili cheese fries, chicken sandwiches and breakfasts. They do not serve any kind of salads or good for you food. There is a corner store two blocks over that also serve fried greasy food. Neither place I can go to receive anything of value in the food department.
So when I smell that delicious fried food, I want so badly to go and get some. I am trying to be strong. I’ve eaten my favorite breakfast, strawberries, cottage cheese and half a bagel. But two hours later I am hungry again. (Pulling out the slices of oranges I brought from home now and munching on those. Maybe those will quench my taste for not eating that fried stuff.)
Writing Update:
In a prior posting I explained what happened at a creative writing class I attended. I was accused of using the class as a therapy group, which wasn’t true at all. I used the class to explore my writing. One person in the class who happened to be the friend of the editor who put the group on was indeed in therapy and at one point stated she spend some time in lockdown at a mental hospital.
I was using my work to help other young children who may be in or could be in the same situation that I was. The trauma was great when I was young and did considerable damage to me. If hearing my story can help other to see what is happening or could happen to them, then maybe it can be prevented.
I am talking about incest. Incest is insidious, it happens to both boys and girls. My story can stop the abuse for another. If they can know that they are not to blame and that they have control. Control by simply telling someone.
I have heard other people who have had tragedy in their lives write about there experiences and be rewarded for it. But for me when I try to help others, I get some stupid girl who is in therapy herself and thinks its cool to tell everyone she was in lockdown in a mental hospital for a week and on meds. (Shaking head here)
Can you understand why she would wrongly accuse me of using the writing group as a form of therapy? When in actuality I am using my writing to help others.
Even though the creative class turned out the way that it did, I choose to take the good that I got from it. The learning exercises, the friends that I met and still stay in contact with. The things in my writing that I need to work on.
Back to the writing group:
The good news is I found another creative writing group. The group is really a reading group, because we won’t be doing any kind of writing exercises, but reading our work and critique with discussion time.
The group is a fine group of writers; we belong to another group together but want to have the smaller group for further discussion. We gathered at a meeting room at the library and all went well until time ran out and we scrambled out before it closed at 9:00pm. Otherwise we would have been locked in for the evening. Then we all decided to further discuss our books at a local cafe. The cafe had a two man band playing really bad music, while we read the one persons work that we didn’t get to during the meeting, after a time the band went on break, and we did more discussion.
It was nice to find others who struggle with writing a book the same as me. There was one man there, his name is Ryan.
Before I tell you what happened I want to explain. Writers approach writing differently, some have ideas jot them down and then write what their ideas are and see if it can be put into a manuscript. Some writers write a word count each day and see if the plot forms out of it. Some writers write a plot then write as the plot develops. There are other ways to write, but the point I want to make is Ryan is a writer who writes a word count each day. So when we went to the cafe afterwards Ryan gave us copies to read during the bands loud noise and I gave only Ryan my first chapter, so he could have something to read.
After a while Ryan turns to me and starts picking apart my first chapter. Before I get into what Ryan asked me. I read what he wrote. It read as if it was a jumble of thoughts with no plot; I couldn’t distinguish anything about the hero, no name, age, what he looks like. I couldn’t even finish, but because others were reading I felt I needed to press on. But when Ryan started questioning my chapter; this line doesn’t make sense. This paragraph is kind of cheesy. I was shocked.
See, a first chapter is to introduce you to the characters, what they look like, a little bit of their motivations, and a little bit of a drama playing our to hook you into reading the story. The first chapter needs to have many mysteries and things to pique the interest of the reader and cause them to turn the next page.
When Ryan started to pump me for more information as to why this line read like this, I explained that I know the characters background, I know what he or she is thinking and feeling and to understand more he would need to read my book. He didn’t say much after that.
My book is completely plotted out from beginning to end. I don’t have endless rambling of nothing writing, leading nowhere. Ryan portrays himself as being an artist. (That last word said with a flourish.) But after reading his work, the first draft by the way, same as mine, which cannot be considered a finished product until it is revised many time and edited by a professional and looked over by an agent. So how can this man talk about my work like that? I really wanted to say something to him, but didn’t, because I didn’t want to squash him, or his work. (Anyway)
By the way the orange slices worked. I am not interested in the greasy food now. Whew!!!
So Share your own story here, grow with us and bond with other women. Hopefully my life will let you see that other lives are not any different than yours and that we are all connected. We can be a cohesive group support in times of struggle and need. Please feel free to comment and join the discussion.
Share, laugh, grow, cry, and bond with other women. Until next time.
I had been mulling over the idea that if I continue to put bad stuff into my body that I am drawing myself one day closer to my death. Well every day that I live I am moving closer to my death, but the death will come quicker if my body gives out sooner that it normally would. If I was a drinker or smoker or take drugs, I would feel the same way. So I had been looking at that concept for a few days.
I decided to go on the strict diet again. I have succeeded for a few days, and feel comfortable, until today at work when I smell the fried food at the little restaurant across the street. They serve nothing but fried, greasy, hot dog, hamburgers, chili cheese fries, chicken sandwiches and breakfasts. They do not serve any kind of salads or good for you food. There is a corner store two blocks over that also serve fried greasy food. Neither place I can go to receive anything of value in the food department.
So when I smell that delicious fried food, I want so badly to go and get some. I am trying to be strong. I’ve eaten my favorite breakfast, strawberries, cottage cheese and half a bagel. But two hours later I am hungry again. (Pulling out the slices of oranges I brought from home now and munching on those. Maybe those will quench my taste for not eating that fried stuff.)
Writing Update:
In a prior posting I explained what happened at a creative writing class I attended. I was accused of using the class as a therapy group, which wasn’t true at all. I used the class to explore my writing. One person in the class who happened to be the friend of the editor who put the group on was indeed in therapy and at one point stated she spend some time in lockdown at a mental hospital.
I was using my work to help other young children who may be in or could be in the same situation that I was. The trauma was great when I was young and did considerable damage to me. If hearing my story can help other to see what is happening or could happen to them, then maybe it can be prevented.
I am talking about incest. Incest is insidious, it happens to both boys and girls. My story can stop the abuse for another. If they can know that they are not to blame and that they have control. Control by simply telling someone.
I have heard other people who have had tragedy in their lives write about there experiences and be rewarded for it. But for me when I try to help others, I get some stupid girl who is in therapy herself and thinks its cool to tell everyone she was in lockdown in a mental hospital for a week and on meds. (Shaking head here)
Can you understand why she would wrongly accuse me of using the writing group as a form of therapy? When in actuality I am using my writing to help others.
Even though the creative class turned out the way that it did, I choose to take the good that I got from it. The learning exercises, the friends that I met and still stay in contact with. The things in my writing that I need to work on.
Back to the writing group:
The good news is I found another creative writing group. The group is really a reading group, because we won’t be doing any kind of writing exercises, but reading our work and critique with discussion time.
The group is a fine group of writers; we belong to another group together but want to have the smaller group for further discussion. We gathered at a meeting room at the library and all went well until time ran out and we scrambled out before it closed at 9:00pm. Otherwise we would have been locked in for the evening. Then we all decided to further discuss our books at a local cafe. The cafe had a two man band playing really bad music, while we read the one persons work that we didn’t get to during the meeting, after a time the band went on break, and we did more discussion.
It was nice to find others who struggle with writing a book the same as me. There was one man there, his name is Ryan.
Before I tell you what happened I want to explain. Writers approach writing differently, some have ideas jot them down and then write what their ideas are and see if it can be put into a manuscript. Some writers write a word count each day and see if the plot forms out of it. Some writers write a plot then write as the plot develops. There are other ways to write, but the point I want to make is Ryan is a writer who writes a word count each day. So when we went to the cafe afterwards Ryan gave us copies to read during the bands loud noise and I gave only Ryan my first chapter, so he could have something to read.
After a while Ryan turns to me and starts picking apart my first chapter. Before I get into what Ryan asked me. I read what he wrote. It read as if it was a jumble of thoughts with no plot; I couldn’t distinguish anything about the hero, no name, age, what he looks like. I couldn’t even finish, but because others were reading I felt I needed to press on. But when Ryan started questioning my chapter; this line doesn’t make sense. This paragraph is kind of cheesy. I was shocked.
See, a first chapter is to introduce you to the characters, what they look like, a little bit of their motivations, and a little bit of a drama playing our to hook you into reading the story. The first chapter needs to have many mysteries and things to pique the interest of the reader and cause them to turn the next page.
When Ryan started to pump me for more information as to why this line read like this, I explained that I know the characters background, I know what he or she is thinking and feeling and to understand more he would need to read my book. He didn’t say much after that.
My book is completely plotted out from beginning to end. I don’t have endless rambling of nothing writing, leading nowhere. Ryan portrays himself as being an artist. (That last word said with a flourish.) But after reading his work, the first draft by the way, same as mine, which cannot be considered a finished product until it is revised many time and edited by a professional and looked over by an agent. So how can this man talk about my work like that? I really wanted to say something to him, but didn’t, because I didn’t want to squash him, or his work. (Anyway)
By the way the orange slices worked. I am not interested in the greasy food now. Whew!!!
So Share your own story here, grow with us and bond with other women. Hopefully my life will let you see that other lives are not any different than yours and that we are all connected. We can be a cohesive group support in times of struggle and need. Please feel free to comment and join the discussion.
Share, laugh, grow, cry, and bond with other women. Until next time.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Updates On Writing and Weight.
Writing Update: Creative Streak.
I got a streak of ideas in my head early Wednesday morning, 3:00am. I couldn’t stop the creative juices so I wrote down everything. It was so exciting to be open to the creative process like that. I was on a high for the next few days.
The more I explore the background of my characters the more my book world grows and the more creative the story becomes. What is more is the characters begin to take on a life of their own. I have heard of things like this before but never experienced it. I have to say, that as I am writing and my fingers are tapping on the keyboard trying desperately to keep up with my mind, I receive the revelations just as you would if you were reading it for the first time. I find this aspect of writing fascinating.
Writing or Journaling
Sometimes I think I don’t have anything to say; I get a recognizable yearning, so I just start writing and then a flood of stuff comes out. I found Writing or journaling to be a great stress releaser.
Sometime I just write down a stupid thing that happened and then I vent. I state everything. Such as the name I wish I could call them to their face. The way I feel about what they said or did. What would be a better way to do what they are trying to do? (Like my opinion is best. Oh well.) Then I throw it all away, and the action of throwing it away alone is lifting the burden off of me.
(I don’t get a chance to write my feeling out, but it is a good exercise. If anything my tying improves.)
Update on Weight:
If you know someone who is on a diet, would you bring a lot of goodies for them at the office or at their home if they’re family? (I am going to vent here for a moment. I am sorry but I need to say this.)
It is bad enough when a person is on a diet and trying not to eat all the wonderful tasting food out there, and using that food to ease their stress and pain, then to find some really good sticky, sweet, gooey and highly bad for you food that someone left. Have some consideration please. That is all I ask.
If you are wondering where that came from, I have a confession. I am not doing so well on my diet. My mind is good, but my hand is always reaching for something. My mind says reach for the wonderful mango, or whatever I have brought from home as snacks, but my fingers go for the energy bar that has 90 grams of fat in it.
You see, my boss gave me a box full of them. She bought too many and decided she would give me a whole bunch. (Don’t get me wrong I appreciate it. But I am trying hard not to eat them, but they’re so good.)
Then she kept me late at work on Monday, my Zumba class day, and I didn’t make it to Zumba. I told her on Wednesday from now on I have to leave the office at 5:30 on Mondays and Wednesdays to attend Zumba because my health is really important. Even if I eat a few bad things I still need to exercise. My boss, taken aback for a few moments, agreed.
What’s more I threw out some spoiled food again in my refrigerator. (You know how I feel about that.) Food that I told myself I would eat before it became expired. Darn it to hello.
I’m supposed to see the doctor in a few months regarding my thyroid levels. I wonder what he will think when I go in and will have put the 30lbs I lost last time I saw him, back on. (I can see him shaking his head now.)
He will probably try to put me on some kind of pill. The infamous little white pill, it solves everything. (NOT.)
And another thing: I still haven’t heard a word from my daughter. The one who decided she no longer wanted to hear from me. My negativeness she tells me. Ha. (Oh poor baby, her mother wants to stay in contact. The nerve.)
Oh boy I’m having fun venting here. I mean to be more professional, but I wanted to show all of you that I can be normal just like any other women out in the world that is going thru stuff.
So please join me and throw caution to the wind. Be anonymous if you wish. Just vent some of your frustrations here and let everyone know you won’t take it anymore. Come on its fun. Share live, laugh, grow, cry and bond with other women. Until next time.
I got a streak of ideas in my head early Wednesday morning, 3:00am. I couldn’t stop the creative juices so I wrote down everything. It was so exciting to be open to the creative process like that. I was on a high for the next few days.
The more I explore the background of my characters the more my book world grows and the more creative the story becomes. What is more is the characters begin to take on a life of their own. I have heard of things like this before but never experienced it. I have to say, that as I am writing and my fingers are tapping on the keyboard trying desperately to keep up with my mind, I receive the revelations just as you would if you were reading it for the first time. I find this aspect of writing fascinating.
Writing or Journaling
Sometimes I think I don’t have anything to say; I get a recognizable yearning, so I just start writing and then a flood of stuff comes out. I found Writing or journaling to be a great stress releaser.
Sometime I just write down a stupid thing that happened and then I vent. I state everything. Such as the name I wish I could call them to their face. The way I feel about what they said or did. What would be a better way to do what they are trying to do? (Like my opinion is best. Oh well.) Then I throw it all away, and the action of throwing it away alone is lifting the burden off of me.
(I don’t get a chance to write my feeling out, but it is a good exercise. If anything my tying improves.)
Update on Weight:
If you know someone who is on a diet, would you bring a lot of goodies for them at the office or at their home if they’re family? (I am going to vent here for a moment. I am sorry but I need to say this.)
It is bad enough when a person is on a diet and trying not to eat all the wonderful tasting food out there, and using that food to ease their stress and pain, then to find some really good sticky, sweet, gooey and highly bad for you food that someone left. Have some consideration please. That is all I ask.
If you are wondering where that came from, I have a confession. I am not doing so well on my diet. My mind is good, but my hand is always reaching for something. My mind says reach for the wonderful mango, or whatever I have brought from home as snacks, but my fingers go for the energy bar that has 90 grams of fat in it.
You see, my boss gave me a box full of them. She bought too many and decided she would give me a whole bunch. (Don’t get me wrong I appreciate it. But I am trying hard not to eat them, but they’re so good.)
Then she kept me late at work on Monday, my Zumba class day, and I didn’t make it to Zumba. I told her on Wednesday from now on I have to leave the office at 5:30 on Mondays and Wednesdays to attend Zumba because my health is really important. Even if I eat a few bad things I still need to exercise. My boss, taken aback for a few moments, agreed.
What’s more I threw out some spoiled food again in my refrigerator. (You know how I feel about that.) Food that I told myself I would eat before it became expired. Darn it to hello.
I’m supposed to see the doctor in a few months regarding my thyroid levels. I wonder what he will think when I go in and will have put the 30lbs I lost last time I saw him, back on. (I can see him shaking his head now.)
He will probably try to put me on some kind of pill. The infamous little white pill, it solves everything. (NOT.)
And another thing: I still haven’t heard a word from my daughter. The one who decided she no longer wanted to hear from me. My negativeness she tells me. Ha. (Oh poor baby, her mother wants to stay in contact. The nerve.)
Oh boy I’m having fun venting here. I mean to be more professional, but I wanted to show all of you that I can be normal just like any other women out in the world that is going thru stuff.
So please join me and throw caution to the wind. Be anonymous if you wish. Just vent some of your frustrations here and let everyone know you won’t take it anymore. Come on its fun. Share live, laugh, grow, cry and bond with other women. Until next time.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Facing One’s Fears Weight and Writing updates Part 1
Weight Update:
I have a confession. Even while I write this blog, I continued to eat fatning, greasy food. I did tell you about some of it. However I ate bad things for me far more than I told you. I am facing that right here right how.
I would tell myself only for today, don’t eat the greasy food. I would pack a really good lunch with snacks and bring a bottle of my home brewed iced tea to work with me everyday. I would eat my favorite breakfast – strawberries, low fat cottage cheese, ½ a bagel and the iced green tea. But when it came to lunch, as I would get hungry I would think, eat the cold salad, or get warm greasy chicken from across the street. More often than not I would get the greasy chicken. Why, because it was something warm, and the other reason. I am not sure.
What is bad is the way I would berate myself while I ate the chicken. “Why.” I kept asking myself. My answer. ‘I don’t know.” It was some kind of mystery, still is. I would feel bad both physically and mentally afterwards, then looked in the mirror and be unsatisfied at my appearance. Better yet I would tell myself lies like, there is too many chemicals in the food. Chemicals that make you want to eat more, which is the truth, but an excuse none the less.
The next questions I would ask me: What about your high cholesterol? People die every year because they cannot control their cholesterol. Do you want to kill yourself? What are you trying to accomplish by eating everything in sight?
Suddenly an epiphany. There are two types of people. Ones that live in the past and ones that live in the future. The people whose mental energies live in the past: remembering past things that happened to them long ago and having regrets, wishing thing were like then. People who live in the future: looking toward a future goal, something intangible that will happen in the future.
I live in the future.
You can see the futility in this thinking. One thing I learned from the art of attraction, or from the book “The Secret” by Rhonda Byrne. Is that staying present is the best and most efficient way to accomplish what you set out to do.
If you became what you desired after many years of working towards a goal, how did you get to the goal? Now think back. What did you do everyday to accomplish that goal? Answer, even if you’re not aware of it. You did something even small toward that goal or a small list of goals every day. The point is you worked towards that goal one day at a time. One moment at a time.
For everyday that I eat a cookie, greasy chicken or anything else that is not good for my body, in a sense I am killing myself. Me not anyone else. Me. I don’t want to die early. Like the alcoholic or heroin addict or smoker, for every cigarette or drink that they put in their mouths they bring death closer. I was/ am doing the same thing. Like I said food is my drug of choice.
One other thing that I was working with in the face of food, I was throwing away food that had spoiled in the refrigerator, and throwing away money. I am trying to gain control of my bills and succeeding however, I was unsatisfied that I could not save. I saved some, but I was throwing away money, every time I threw spoiled food in the trash. I would shake my head in discuss as I threw away the food and then tell myself it’s okay to eat the entire plate of food because I didn’t want to waste it. (How silly is that)
(See how one thing affects another like a line of dominions crashing down one after another.) To gain control over one thing you must control another.
When I realized that It was all me, the lies I told myself. My stupid reasoning, I realized I was the only one to make the correct changes. I had been good about some things in my life. Examples: Keeping the house clean. I learned how to speed clean. As long as I take a few minutes to do the everyday maintenance, the house stayed cleaned. I never went a day with dishes in the sink. I never left the house without making the bed.
I was paying on bills each month, keeping track and watching the amounts go down. I was being vigilant doing my reading, English lessons and other interest.
I noticed when I went to Trader Joe’s last night. I only bought one thing of Chocolate Chip cookies, instead of three bad things I normally buy. I was very proud of myself.
Now here is something to think about. I have done this in the past: did not buy any goodies to eat and then ate bread for dinner some night. Well really more than a few.
When I went to pick up the cookies this time. I got a bad taste in my mouth. I ate only one. Normally I would get the one then go get a few more. Then get a few more. And in two days, a dozen cookies would have been eaten. I didn’t do that this time. Every time I think of the cookies now, I think about my death. And make the choice not to eat it. I still have them in my kitchen cabinet.
Plus I am back to my Zumba classes twice a week. I am going to add ten speed bike riding in between the Zumba classes. I am going to add other things to work on my fifth appendage, my stomach soon. I have to work up to doing all this, and putting it in my schedule.
In conclusion of my Weight issue: Only I can make the necessary changes needed to control my weight. One thing I faced was the fact that the older I become, the harder it will be to stay in health. Make sure my thoughts are in the present, one day at a time. Making sure I eat everything in the house and work on not being wasteful or allowing food to spoil. Thinking about my death or my extension of life if I continue on the path I have chosen.
I am sure at some point I will forget these points as I continue my road of life, but hopefully I will be quick to remember them and get back on track.
Writing Up date:
Since I realized the puzzle piece of what was missing in my storyline, subplots, I have become more into those stories and have been writing like crazy. I am having a blast.
I am becoming more disciplined with my life. Since I have purpose now, I don’t get depressed as I used too. That may change like anything else. Something may come along that throws me, but once again I hopefully will be able to pick myself back up and continue my goals.
It seems both my writing and weight issues are getting resolved. I am still not out of the woods yet. I still have the path of success to figure out.
Finishing the book will be a major accomplishment. That will be just the beginning; there is finding an agent, getting published, then marketing the book and putting my work out for all to see. Then there are the other stories to write about. One book is only the beginning.
Even though I have figured out what I was doing wrong with my weight. The day to day struggles are still to come. There are the twist and turns of life that I will face and will still talk about.
Share with us some of your struggles and how you overcame them. Your stories may help other women or inspire them and yourself to grow. Just talking about it is good. Share, laugh, live, cry, grow and bond with us. Join the discussion today.
Until next time.
I have a confession. Even while I write this blog, I continued to eat fatning, greasy food. I did tell you about some of it. However I ate bad things for me far more than I told you. I am facing that right here right how.
I would tell myself only for today, don’t eat the greasy food. I would pack a really good lunch with snacks and bring a bottle of my home brewed iced tea to work with me everyday. I would eat my favorite breakfast – strawberries, low fat cottage cheese, ½ a bagel and the iced green tea. But when it came to lunch, as I would get hungry I would think, eat the cold salad, or get warm greasy chicken from across the street. More often than not I would get the greasy chicken. Why, because it was something warm, and the other reason. I am not sure.
What is bad is the way I would berate myself while I ate the chicken. “Why.” I kept asking myself. My answer. ‘I don’t know.” It was some kind of mystery, still is. I would feel bad both physically and mentally afterwards, then looked in the mirror and be unsatisfied at my appearance. Better yet I would tell myself lies like, there is too many chemicals in the food. Chemicals that make you want to eat more, which is the truth, but an excuse none the less.
The next questions I would ask me: What about your high cholesterol? People die every year because they cannot control their cholesterol. Do you want to kill yourself? What are you trying to accomplish by eating everything in sight?
Suddenly an epiphany. There are two types of people. Ones that live in the past and ones that live in the future. The people whose mental energies live in the past: remembering past things that happened to them long ago and having regrets, wishing thing were like then. People who live in the future: looking toward a future goal, something intangible that will happen in the future.
I live in the future.
You can see the futility in this thinking. One thing I learned from the art of attraction, or from the book “The Secret” by Rhonda Byrne. Is that staying present is the best and most efficient way to accomplish what you set out to do.
If you became what you desired after many years of working towards a goal, how did you get to the goal? Now think back. What did you do everyday to accomplish that goal? Answer, even if you’re not aware of it. You did something even small toward that goal or a small list of goals every day. The point is you worked towards that goal one day at a time. One moment at a time.
For everyday that I eat a cookie, greasy chicken or anything else that is not good for my body, in a sense I am killing myself. Me not anyone else. Me. I don’t want to die early. Like the alcoholic or heroin addict or smoker, for every cigarette or drink that they put in their mouths they bring death closer. I was/ am doing the same thing. Like I said food is my drug of choice.
One other thing that I was working with in the face of food, I was throwing away food that had spoiled in the refrigerator, and throwing away money. I am trying to gain control of my bills and succeeding however, I was unsatisfied that I could not save. I saved some, but I was throwing away money, every time I threw spoiled food in the trash. I would shake my head in discuss as I threw away the food and then tell myself it’s okay to eat the entire plate of food because I didn’t want to waste it. (How silly is that)
(See how one thing affects another like a line of dominions crashing down one after another.) To gain control over one thing you must control another.
When I realized that It was all me, the lies I told myself. My stupid reasoning, I realized I was the only one to make the correct changes. I had been good about some things in my life. Examples: Keeping the house clean. I learned how to speed clean. As long as I take a few minutes to do the everyday maintenance, the house stayed cleaned. I never went a day with dishes in the sink. I never left the house without making the bed.
I was paying on bills each month, keeping track and watching the amounts go down. I was being vigilant doing my reading, English lessons and other interest.
I noticed when I went to Trader Joe’s last night. I only bought one thing of Chocolate Chip cookies, instead of three bad things I normally buy. I was very proud of myself.
Now here is something to think about. I have done this in the past: did not buy any goodies to eat and then ate bread for dinner some night. Well really more than a few.
When I went to pick up the cookies this time. I got a bad taste in my mouth. I ate only one. Normally I would get the one then go get a few more. Then get a few more. And in two days, a dozen cookies would have been eaten. I didn’t do that this time. Every time I think of the cookies now, I think about my death. And make the choice not to eat it. I still have them in my kitchen cabinet.
Plus I am back to my Zumba classes twice a week. I am going to add ten speed bike riding in between the Zumba classes. I am going to add other things to work on my fifth appendage, my stomach soon. I have to work up to doing all this, and putting it in my schedule.
In conclusion of my Weight issue: Only I can make the necessary changes needed to control my weight. One thing I faced was the fact that the older I become, the harder it will be to stay in health. Make sure my thoughts are in the present, one day at a time. Making sure I eat everything in the house and work on not being wasteful or allowing food to spoil. Thinking about my death or my extension of life if I continue on the path I have chosen.
I am sure at some point I will forget these points as I continue my road of life, but hopefully I will be quick to remember them and get back on track.
Writing Up date:
Since I realized the puzzle piece of what was missing in my storyline, subplots, I have become more into those stories and have been writing like crazy. I am having a blast.
I am becoming more disciplined with my life. Since I have purpose now, I don’t get depressed as I used too. That may change like anything else. Something may come along that throws me, but once again I hopefully will be able to pick myself back up and continue my goals.
It seems both my writing and weight issues are getting resolved. I am still not out of the woods yet. I still have the path of success to figure out.
Finishing the book will be a major accomplishment. That will be just the beginning; there is finding an agent, getting published, then marketing the book and putting my work out for all to see. Then there are the other stories to write about. One book is only the beginning.
Even though I have figured out what I was doing wrong with my weight. The day to day struggles are still to come. There are the twist and turns of life that I will face and will still talk about.
Share with us some of your struggles and how you overcame them. Your stories may help other women or inspire them and yourself to grow. Just talking about it is good. Share, laugh, live, cry, grow and bond with us. Join the discussion today.
Until next time.
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