Miracles Can Happen.

A few posts back I had a profound instinct to get back to my diet and eat better, especial after everything that I went through about four months ago.  The last two months have been better, but I knew I needed to make a change.  I prayed about it and received a very interesting answer.

Of all the crazy things to happen, as soon as I tell myself to stop eating greasy foods and start eating better, my body kicks in and says forget it.  While eating the fried chicken everyday, I asked myself why repeatedly? 

  “Why would you eat this knowing that it makes you feel bad, that it’s not good for your cholesterol, and the fat will go straight to your already bloated stomach?  Why would you do this?”

 

I just kept asking myself, every time I ate incorrectly.  There is a saying amongst the religious.  If you ask a question enough you will receive an answer.  It just may not be in words but you will receive and answer.

The last two times I ate the greasy fried chicken, I noticed a few things such as the chicken didn’t taste as good, and it was filled with gross fat, amongst other things.  There was my answer.  I was totally turned off about eating the chicken, then about eating anything that was not healthy.  It was a miracle I guess.  Since the realization of how gross the fried chicken was I have not had a taste for it.  I used to get salads at the same place.  But I decided that if I wanted a salad, why not make it the way that I wanted, with the ingredients I have right in my kitchen. 

Today for lunch I have a wonderful salad, with turkey sausage, and assorted dried fruit and nuts for snacks.  This weekend I’ll make sure I have plenty of fruits and vegetable to munch on for next week. 

 

Thank goodness for small miracles.  Well, actually big ones, when you think about it, I had been asking the question WHY for about 6 months.   Now that I have the answer I feel more confident than ever about my health and weight.  I’ll keep you updated.  

If you have a question about anything such as WHY, don’t be afraid to ask it.  Just keep asking until you get the answer you need, but be prepared; the answer may not come in the way you think. 

Do you have a similar story to tell?  Share, laugh, love, cry, grow and bond with other women, you never know if an answer might be within the story of another.  Until next time.   

All pictures are from picture.com http://pictures.com/  If your don't want a picture on her let me know and I will remove it immediately. 

Reading, Weight and Movies.

Weight Update:
To save time on the weekends to do my writing. I decided to do my shopping on Friday night after work. I shop at Trader Joe’s. On the weekend the store is very busy and the shoppers have to navigate the aisles and maneuver around, up and over each other. So the choice to shop on Friday was an easy one. Now when I shop I just breeze thru and grab what I need.

The trouble is, out of habit, I grab the things that I tell myself no to. And yet they end up in the cart. I know the shop very well and visit only certain areas, and I can feel my hand reaching to the goodies I say in my mind no to. Then when I get home I try to make the goodies last longer. I figure if they last longer I wasn’t so bad. (See the lies I tell myself.)

Part of the problem is food is expensive and sometime I feel I don’t have enough for the entire week. So I eat the stupid stuff on the weekend. (Lame excuse I know but there it is.)

I also want stuff that is quick. (Quick I say, well a salad is very quick, and so is an apple, orange, or pear. But I grab the dark chocolate, cheese puffs and cookies. Dumb, Dumb, Dumb.)

“Self.” I would say. You are allowed only one goodie this week. This is killing me why I ask? Honestly I don’t know why I do it. Okay I am going to go grab a pear right now. Hold one moment please. As I say in my tenant liaison voice to my tenants on the phone.

I am eating a sliced up pear in a bowl now. I bought the pear last week and put it in my lunch. It got a little beat up in my lunch pack so I had it on the kitchen counter. Parts of it were over ripe so I cut those out and sliced the rest.

Which bring me to my next segment. Movies.
Julie / Julia. About a girl, named Julie Powell who wrote a blog about cooking all of Julia Child’s recipes, 541 in one year. And at the same time the story of Julia Child’s life and getting her cooking book published. A very adorable movie, just different time lines. In the movie Julie, the blog writer, had some weight problems also. Mostly because a lot of the recipes in Julia Child’s book had butter in them.

At the end of the movie Julie ended up a published writer with the movie. She got publish after the blog got noticed and an article was written about her in the New York Times. (Great huh.)

This next segment is about books.
I have been getting my books at the Library because I cannot afford to purchase book at the moment. I am busy paying bills that should have been paid long ago. (Yiks something else to write about.)

I just didn’t want to pay them, so now I am suffering, well I wouldn’t really say that. When I go to the library I can get as many books as I want. (By the way I am paying on my bills now, which is the reason I can't go anywhere. I have no money. boo hoo.)

I just go to a regular book store and jot down the title and then ask the Librarian if they have it. Most do so I put it on hold. The only problem is I don’t usually get them in the order they are written. So I hold them at home until I get the first one and then start reading. I keep a close watch on when the books are due back,then I re-new them, otherwise I’d pay a lot of fines.

(Popping a slice of pear in my mouth. Yum. Now several more. Wait I just finished the bowl. Wow. Proud of me right now).

Oh, by the way I wrote another piece for my novel. My heroin was badly hurt and my hero is worried about her. Can’t say how it will go now. Developing more.

I have books on how to write a good novel;, the author says don’t be afraid to let your character go thru things. So this is the going thru things, and also a way for the characters to bond.

Working on another part of the story, one that I have been putting off for some time. I wasn’t sure I could actually write it. (I will never know unless I try, right). *Wink* There is always the revising afterward to make it better. The best point is to just get the ideas out of my head and onto paper, or computer.

Working on breaking the habit of grabbing goodies in the grocery line. The next thing for me to keep up with. Any suggestions?

If you have a story to share, or ideas to help me break my habit of my drug of choice, food, or just to comment, all are welcome. Share, love, laugh, cry, grow and bond. Until next time.

Facing One’s Fears: Update on Weight and Writing.

I want to toot my own horn here for a moment. I woke up yesterday in a good determined mood. I did extra things that I had wanted to incorporate into my schedule for a while. I even ate really good organic food, that I had prepared before hand and brought with me to work, all day. I felt really good about it except when it came to go to Zumba exercise class at the end of the day. For some reason I decided I wasn’t going to go.

I made plans, got clothes, water, everything ready, why didn’t I go to Zumba. I choose instead to stay home and read. I did read but I also analyzed why I did that.

I want to be skinny and beautiful, like I was when I was thirty. The problem is I cannot be beautiful like I was back then. I can only be beautiful as I am now. I look in the mirror. My hair is dull and not so full. My face is a little droopier with some wrinkles around the eyes. No matter how much I workout, the middle of me is just so stubborn, it’s like another appendage. I feel that I can’t even eat a cookie, that if I ate that one stupid little cookie, my stomach will stay forever. Can you imagine the helpless, hopeless feeling of that? Someone that eats their emotions can’t even eat a cookie to feel better. This reality is what I deal with on a daily basis. It is harsh indeed. At what point did I wake up and the vibrancy, energy and grand hopes that I once had, had diminished almost in half. And very unexpectedly too, I just woke up one day and things were upon me. Age.

Even while I struggle with my age, it has become apparent what I must do. I do have choices, hard choices but choices none the less. Facing those realities is part of that choice. (Sometimes I don’t want to face it) *Whine.*

There is so much I still want to accomplish, but time passes so quickly. Each day, each week, and then the weekend is upon me again. So much to do all the time and I am tired, but one thing is clear. I can only deal with this one day at a time. Only today, so I don’t get overwhelmed. Today I plan to eat only the organic food I prepared and brought with me today.

As far as my writing goals.
I did read for a while. Then I started thinking about that. Why I wasn’t writing. I decided to stick with my original outline for the book. I had made some changes, I liked the new changes but in my spur of the moment, made further changes, that I ended up not liking. (Changes on the chapters I should explain, but decided not to do that.) So I went about making a new revised manuscript. So there I was cutting and pasting chapters and stuff into the new revised manuscript.

Something inside of me grips my chest. *Anxiety* I want to write like some of the writers whose work I admire. I marvel at the words and structure of sentences that paint pictures in my head, and I become so envious of their ability. I want that. But while I was thinking about my writing, I came up with this one insight. I have the ability to write, just like the other writers that I love, and entertain and inspire readers across the world, however in order to do that I must practice.

So what do I do? I berate myself for making what I believe to be crucial changes to my manuscript so that I can maintain some kind of control of it and not get overwhelmed. Because I am cutting and pasting instead of writing. Because I want to write with every part of my being, and I am stuck cutting and pasting.
(Hah. Is that not stupid?) I am being hard on myself because I want to write. Strange. *Shaking my head*

Does it matter what I write? Just as long as I write something.

In some cases I believe it does, but maybe I am trying to get my feeling out. To understand them better, to get to the root of them and make sense of them.

I’m also disappointed in not knowing my characters as well as I would like to. I have been told that the characters at one point in the writing of a story take a life of their own. I have witnessed this myself. And yet I am cutting and pasting. I still feel I am procrastinating.

(This is me talking to myself now).
Okay, breathe. Slow down. Cut and paste, get the manuscript in the order of the outline. You will not be satisfied until you do so, so don’t fight that. Then start one page at a time. This is the hard work that writer want-a-bes never get past. The hard work of writing and concentrating on each aspect of a created book that is in the writers head and heart. The writer who is writing with true passion, this is the stuff of great writers. This is what makes or breaks a true writer.

One day at a time. Remember only today and what you can accomplish today. Even if it is small, done by increments, those increments will build until the momentum get stronger and then BAM! It’s done.

I can’t tell my readers how much it means to me to be able to get my feeling, fears, joys and triumphs out in this blog. In my sharing I hope to inspire other women to accomplish their goals. Share, enjoy, laugh, love, cry, and bond with me and other women. Until next time.